


Don't Have to Say the Words

by jeni_andtheafterthought



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Auror Harry Potter, Domestic, EWE, Established Relationship, Healer Harry Potter, Insecurity, M/M, PWP, Potioneer Draco Malfoy, Smut, they have a cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 11:17:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12387003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeni_andtheafterthought/pseuds/jeni_andtheafterthought
Summary: Draco is having a hard time separating his own insecurities from the difficulties in his relationship with Harry.





	1. Friday Night

**Author's Note:**

> this was written in two sittings, one per chapter. I didn't even reread it before posting it. It was originally some self-indulgent angsty tumblr post that had several requests for a "part two." Please be gentle, this fic is pretty close to my heart.

Draco stood in their kitchen willing the day to end. His body ached, fatigued to the bone, and all he wanted was to forget the potions shop existed for the next 48 hours. Well, maybe not all he wanted. He wanted Harry. 

Harry was leaving the Aurors. After a decade, he’d had enough. Harry hated the hours, the stress, the newest batch of recruits who acted like the job was a burden. Harry knew they didn’t remember the war or the Death Eaters or Voldemort; they were a generation fighting invisible corruption from the rich and systemic injustices toward those without power. Harry told Draco weeks ago that he was going to start training to work at St. Mungo’s where he would feel like he was making a difference again. Draco didn’t realize Harry’s training would overlap his final months with the DMLE.

Draco was proud of Harry. He might not tell him as much, but he was. This didn’t dampen Draco’s disappointment in himself though. He didn’t mean to compare himself to Harry. He tried so very hard not to, but he felt so inadequate sometimes. His shit job at a potions shop kept him from sitting at home feeling sorry for himself, but there was no pride in it despite the fact he was very good at his job. Draco felt redundant. 

Harry doesn’t need Draco. He doesn’t need Draco’s gold. He doesn’t need Draco’s connections or what’s left of them. Harry takes care of himself, pushes himself, works for what he wants himself. Draco feels like he’s just trying to keep up just to deserve Harry. Draco doesn’t want to outshine Harry. He wants Harry to succeed in anything and everything. 

What Draco wants is to feel desirable again. The loneliness started on nights Harry worked late. Then the loneliness started creeping into the nights Harry was too tired to make love to Draco. The loneliness tugged at Draco on the days he didn’t see Harry at all between one job and the next. Now, the loneliness has Draco propped up against the kitchen counter after another day of being screamed at for potion labels not being placed on the “left corner, Malfoy, get it together. Get these orders out, the customers are lined up all the way to the door!”…

Like a granted wish, Harry walked in. 

“Hey,” Harry said, seemingly oblivious to Draco’s emotional state.

Draco gave him a tired smile.

“I’m heading out soon. We’re doing emergency healing today. Spell damage and accidental magic…”

Draco heard Harry talking but soon lost focus on the words. They were the same words as yesterday and the day before. Draco wasn’t even paying attention when Harry stepped up and wrapped his arms around him. With the way Draco was leaning on the counter, Harry was able to pull Draco’s head against his chest despite his height. Draco loved when he did this. It had been ages since Harry last held him like this. He let himself melt against Harry. Tears pricked his tightly closed eyes and for a second Draco was worried those tears would fall. 

Harry’s fingers running through his hair felt so good, reminding him of all the times Harry would run his hands through Draco’s hair and call him beautiful. Draco used to complain about Harry’s choice of adjectives but now he’d do anything to hear it again. Draco missed this. It wasn’t even just the sex he missed. Draco never felt wanted any more. Never felt desired. But for this moment, Draco was going to hold on as long as he could. 

“Tell me you love me,” Draco whispered. _like you used to._ Draco added to himself.

“You love me,” Harry said. Draco heard the smile in his words.

Carefully keeping the disappointment and hurt off his face, he pulled away from Harry. “You suck,” Draco said, hoping it sounded playful. He grabbed Harry’s hips and pinched the pressure point he knew Harry hated. 

“Ow!” Harry laughed.

“You earned that,” Draco said, “You have such a talent at killing moments.”

“Poor baby, come here, I love you,” Harry said, still laughing.

This isn’t okay. This is torture. Draco doesn’t want to feel like a joke. He wanted for a single moment to feel like he was… Like they were… Like they used to be. 

_Just fake it, Draco._ he tells himself. He forces a smile and swats at Harry until he stops trying to hug him. 

“I can’t believe you stabbed me,” Harry says. 

Draco points a finger at him like a threat of violence. Harry is smiling as he turns to leave the kitchen. He doesn’t say goodbye when he leaves for St. Mungo’s shortly after.

Hours later, Draco is sitting on kitchen counter with a long-empty teacup in his hands. The tears are back and he’s not fighting them this time. The loneliness is back, too. This time it’s curled around him like his own shadow.

“Why doesn’t he want me anymore?” Draco asks. 

The empty house has no reply.


	2. Saturday Morning

After staring at the ceiling above their bed for a couple hours, Draco knew he wasn’t going to be able to sleep.  He hated how empty it felt without Harry.  Lately, the bed felt too big even when they were both in it.  Draco couldn’t remember the last time he woke up touching Harry.  These days, he settled for a small stuffed dog Harry bought him as a silly gift.  Draco told him one evening ‘buy me something’ while he was out on a rare outing with friends.  Harry came home with the toy dog.

He kicked the blankets off muttering a halfhearted apology to the cat when blankets weren’t the only thing shoved to the end of the bed. Thuban was unimpressed with this apology and disappeared into the house.  Draco knew Harry would not be home for hours, and he told himself he was definitely not waiting up for him. He picked up a book, lit the reading nook with a dim _Lumos_ and began to lose himself in the pages.

Somewhere between midnight and sunrise, the floo roared to life letting Harry through.  Harry was a couple hours later than he said he would be.  Draco didn’t expect him home on time regardless of what Harry said.  Years of this numbed him to any expectation of work ending at the end of Harry’s scheduled shift.

“I’m going to bed,” Harry said.  

He didn’t stop as he walked past Draco’s reading nook.  Draco heard Harry stripping out of his clothes.  Moments later, he heard the bedroom door squeaking on its hinges.  This night was not unusual.  It could have been any night.  Draco finished his chapter and followed Harry.  By the time he slipped into the blankets, Harry was asleep.

* * *

 

The sound of cat food rattling in the kitchen woke Draco.  He heard Harry talking to Thuban but could not make out what he was saying.  Draco knew he should get up.  It had to be almost noon at this point. He grabbed his wand and checked the time, light the lamp by the bed.  Without getting up, he took his book from the night stand and started some music.  Maybe getting out of bed on was overrated.  Harry seemed to think so, too because he came back.

“Good morning,” Harry said, “or what’s left of it. Did you sleep well?”

“Sure,” Draco said.  He put his book down.

Harry got back into bed pulling Draco close while fighting with pillows and blankets to get closer.

“Wait, where’s my puppy?” Draco asked.

“It was by your butt,” Harry laughed, handing him to toy dog, “I had to move it to get a proper seal on the spoon.” 

Draco cradled the stupid toy in his arms.  Harry moved close.  The entire length of Harry’s body pressed against Draco.  

“There we go.  Properly spooned,” Harry said, “So last night, it was-” 

Draco half listened to Harry’s recap of the night he had at St. Mungo’s.  Draco really did care, but he knew Harry would repeat himself a few times over the next day or two.  Draco let himself be held.  Harry talked like this was something they did all the time.  Just lying in bed holding each other.  It used to be.  Thuban decided this was time for everyone to cuddle and curled against Draco’s stomach. This earned him a thorough petting from both Harry and Draco.  

The one-sided conversation died away after several minutes and the cat wandered away. Only the music still playing marked the seconds passing by.  The relative silence loomed over Draco like the last chimes before a fairy tale midnight.  He knew he was about to lose Harry to the activities of the day soon.  

Harry shifted. _It was nice while it lasted,_ Draco thought.  Instead of getting up, Harry traced his fingertips down Draco’s shoulder and arm before wrapping tightly around his chest for a moment.  Draco dropped the stuffed toy to the floor before trying to catch Harry’s hand in his before he had to let him go for the day.  

Harry pulled his hand from Draco’s, but he didn’t move to leave.  He grabbed Draco’s hip firmly before thrusting the beginning of an erection against Draco’s arse.

“So, when are you going to let me have you?” Harry said.

Between Harry’s low and playfully seductive voice and the feel of finger tips pressed firmly into Draco’s hip, the response was near instantaneous.  Draco's cock stirred and the tickle of arousal traced from low in his belly up into his chest.  He wanted Harry right this second.  That just wasn’t possible for basic human reasons.

“If I didn’t need to brush my teeth, I’d roll over right now an insist you take me,” Draco said.  

“I do need some teeth brushing myself,” Harry answered.

Draco was grateful Harry didn’t insist on spells or promising not to breathe in his face.  They both knew it was just a polite way of asking for bathroom privacy.

Draco reluctantly pulled out of Harry’s arms and made his way into the bathroom.  Of course, teeth were a priority, but he also had to pee, to wash his face.  He tried to hurry.  Draco worried that by the time he was out of the bathroom, he would have missed their moment.  

He stepped out of the bathroom.  Harry was sitting on the sofa with a video game controller in his hands.  _Fuck,_ Draco thought.  _Of course he didn’t feel like waiting for me._

Draco sighed and just went back to bed.  He turned the music up and was reaching for his book when he felt Harry get back into bed.  Draco tried to hide his surprise and glanced to the door.  With another sigh, he rolled to face Harry.

“What’s the matter?”

“Door’s open.  I guess I’m not getting any,” Draco whispered.  

“Thuban,” Harry said, “get out and close the door behind you.”

“Rude little prat,” Draco said when the cat didn’t remove himself from the foot of the bed.

Harry got up, coaxed the cat from the room and closed the door.  He was stripping out of this clothes before he even crossed back to the bed.  Draco pulled his pajamas off and threw them to the floor.

Draco was nervous.  He didn’t understand why, it’s not like he hasn’t been having sex with this man for the past ten years.  His anxiety wormed it’s way into his thoughts and immediately started causing hell.  _What if I don’t enjoy it? What if_ he _doesn’t enjoy it?  How long am I going to have to wait until next time?  Fucking stop it Draco, he’s here.  Enjoy this._

He refocused his attention on Harry to see him spreading lube onto his cock before brushing a small amount onto Draco.  He tried to lose himself in the touch of Harry’s hands.  Harry leaned forward to lick a stripe up Draco’s neck before taking a nipple between his lips.  Draco arched forward. His breath was coming short and shallow.  Harry’s hands worked Draco’s nipples before exploring his chest and arms like they were brand new to him.  Draco moaned as Harry’s mouth worked from his chest to his neck before taking Draco’s mouth.  

Harry kissed Draco like he was claiming him.  He rocked his hips forward, dragging his cock against Draco’s.  Draco held Harry close and willed himself to stay in the moment.  Harry pulled away to align himself to Draco.  Thrusting back against Harry, Draco silently demanded to be filled.  Harry gave him everything he wanted.  Pressing forward until Draco had Harry completely, they paused before Harry wrapped his arm around Draco’s shoulder, his hand tangled in Draco’s hair.   He pulled Draco forward until his head rested against Harry’s shoulder.

Draco loved being held like this. The angle was awkward and he couldn’t take Harry as deeply as he’d like, but he felt…safe. Holding Draco as closely as he was able, Harry began to move inside him in slow thrusts.  Draco was hyper-aware of every sensation.  His arms were wrapped tightly around Harry and he gave himself over. The sounds Harry pulled from Draco were muffled against Harry’s shoulder and began to sound more desperate. 

As good as it felt, Draco’s cock was trapped between their bodies.  Harry knew it was near impossible for Draco to come without direct attention on his cock.  Harry pulled back letting Draco lay back on the pillows. He shifted slightly, kissing Draco quickly before driving back into him with a renewed intensity.  Draco’s breath came in heavy sobs.  His arms and legs started to feel a bit weightless from the sensation of Harry’s cock claiming him over and over.  

He was unable to keep him mind quiet for long.  Draco still couldn’t get his hand onto his cock.  Then he fought to keep himself from panic.  Draco knew Harry was close, but he wasn’t.  It wouldn't be the first time Harry finished Draco with his hands or mouth, but Draco wanted to come while Harry fucked him.  He _needed_ to come with Harry deep inside him.  Draco desperately begged his body to allow him that intimacy.  He knew, the more he worried, the farther his release retreated. 

 _Draco, he’s still right here.  He wants you.  Enjoy this.  Look at him,_  he scolded himself. He looked up into Harry’s eyes.  Harry’s glasses not there to block their intensity, his eyes saw right into Draco.  Or maybe he just noticed Draco was less vocal than he had been up to this point.

Harry sat back, hooking his arms under Draco’s legs before leaning forward again.  Harry took Draco more deeply with his legs pulled up like they were now, each thrust of Harry's cock dragging a whimper from Draco’s parted lips.  This.  This is what Draco needed.  He wrapped a hand around his own cock and looked down to watch Harry’s cock slam into him in a beautiful torturous rhythm.  Draco watched as Harry’s muscles tightened.  Harry was close.  

Draco looked up into Harry’s face.  It wasn’t love that he saw.  Well, not only love.  It was lust.  Harry’s cheeks pinked, eyes dark with want. Harry leaned forward and kissed Draco in a rough open-mouthed need.  With Harry’s tongue fucking into his mouth while his cock filled his arse, Draco was overwhelmed with noting but his hand on his own cock keeping him from losing focus completely.  His release hit him with a violent intensity.  Spilling onto Harry and himself, he cried out against Harry’s mouth. Harry fucked him through his climax and sat back on his heels.  

Careful not to touch Draco’s oversensitive spent cock, Harry drove into him chasing his own release.  The angle allowing him even deeper, Harry claimed Draco’s body.  Draco allowed himself to drift into the physical sensation of being completely taken apart. As Harry used him even after Draco lost himself in the feeling of Harry's cock hitting all the sweetest spots leaving him a trembling mess, his nipples tightened, cheeks hot, and struggling for breath. It wasn’t long before Harry’s movements became erratic.  He pulled out and spilled his release on Draco’s cock and stomach with a groan Draco could almost feel. 

Harry lowered himself to the bed beside Draco.  After allowing himself a moment to catch his breath, Draco grabbed his pajama top from the floor to wipe himself down.  He knew a spell would be more effective, but some part of him liked the idea that traces of Harry would still be on his skin for a while. Harry seemed to have the same idea, judging by the t-shirt that was thrown over Draco as he rolled over to face Harry.  

They faced each other, in a tangle of arms and legs and gentle kisses.  Draco closed his eyes for what he thought was a second and opened them an hour later.  The music had long stopped, Harry’s breath ghosted against Draco’s face in sleepy puffs and Draco realized...Harry has been right here.  

Harry may not say “I love you,” but he tells Draco he loves him often in a million other ways.  He may not have time or energy to make love to him like he used to, but when he’s able, he loves taking Draco apart.  Draco just needs to remind himself to listen.  Harry stirs in his sleep, turning away from Draco.

Draco assures himself this isn’t a rejection.  It’s just Draco’s turn to be the big spoon.  Draco decided to be the best big spoon possible as often as he needs to.  Hugging Harry tightly to his chest, he allows himself to drift back to sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> no beta - no proofreading - we die as warriors


End file.
